The Subtle Art of Actually Giving a Fuck

I was scrolling through Amazon, one lazy Sunday morning, and ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck’ happened to catch my fancy. For a book with the word ‘subtle’ on the cover, it sure was a hideously bright orange. I don’t know whether it was the audacious title that did it for me, or the fact that thousands of people had picked this book up and absolutely loved it, but I begrudgingly decided to give it a shot. To my dismay, just a few pages in, I realized this was some of the laziest writing I’d personally encountered. Coupled with the word ‘fuck’ thrown around like rice at an Indian wedding, and the emotional maturity of a teenager who’s high on Nietzsche, it was an absolute let down.

Why then, was this ugly orange thing popping up in so many of my friends’ statuses, with profound captions? What is so lucrative about buying a book about not caring about what people think about you, and then posting pictures of it to show the very people whose opinions you don’t care about? In my pursuit of understanding why everyone was trying to care less, I stumbled upon a TED talk. Again titled something very similar, something about not giving any fucks. Then a Quora answer, which went into elaborate graphic detail, in which everyone has a bag of limited fucks and how we are all wasting it on the wrong things. They all say the same thing over and over in different ways, no originality, nothing of their own to add, and yet walk away to thousands of people buying the book, standing ovations and hundreds of up-votes respectively.

Even in my interactions with people, I’ve noticed a lot of people using the words – ‘I don’t give a fuck’, or ‘I don’t care’ or other variations with a lot of gusto and enthusiasm. Like they are incredibly proud of no longer caring about the person or situation in question. Yet I’ve noticed that it is often these very people who actually care the most. You see, if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it is that having to re-affirm that you don’t care often comes from a place of deep personal anguish. From a need where you think it would be incredibly cool if you actually could stop caring about this, and then keep lying to yourself, hoping one day, it will be true. The truth however, is that when you actually cease to care, you won’t have to state it over and over. You won’t have to remind yourself you don’t care because you’d already know. Hearing ‘I don’t give a fuck’, to me, says you’re either angry, hurt or numb, not that you’ve reached this incredible, elevated state of inner peace.

I’d like to propose an entirely different theory from the ones all the above sources have been going on about. First of all, stop lying to yourself. That’s where half the problems start. It’s absolutely okay, and sometimes, even beautiful to care. This is a terrifying consequence of the kind of environment these ideas create – where people begin condemn themselves for caring. They feel weak, pathetic or even inferior for something so real, something which is at the core of what makes us human. It is completely okay to care. It’s so sad to have to live in a world where caring is looked down upon and not caring is put on a pedestal and admired, a world where you are made to feel ashamed of your humanity and empathy.

Give yourself time.  Whatever is bothering you will fade with time. Don’t rush to ask yourself if you care less each passing day. Stop aggressively telling everyone you don’t give a fuck. Don’t associate your caring about something with a lack of self respect, because that couldn’t be further from the truth. Don’t buy into this propaganda, think for yourself and form your own opinion.

I for one, certainly care. About a lot of people. In my view, caring about one another is what makes us truly human. Sometimes, you will be rewarded and at others, you will be brought to your knees, but I’d take being true to myself over forcing myself to pretend I don’t care any day. At this ugly game of who cares less, I will always lose and I’ll be one proud loser.